Where elders and children sit together under the tree of oak,
Where the moon and the stars try to outshine each other,
Moon borrowing the brightness from the sun for that day,
Absorbing each and every rays of the sun leaving it broke.
Where the elders sing the songs of happiness of freedom,
There’s no grief no misery no pain in my world to show.
We celebrate this day as the day when the forest looks divine,
The day each and every leaf of the two hundred oak trees shines,
Our elders call it as god’s miracle but according to me this is something else,
A phenomenon so gigantic that you cannot explain it in words,
You can just admire it; feel its beauty through your eyes,
Don’t know if it’s god’s miracle or not but there is someone,
Someone so beautiful that even nature blushes,
Showing the colors of love and affection not able to keep its feelings inside,
In my world there is no hatred no animosity just two friends sitting together,
One is love and the other is hate rejoicing their friendship under the shimmering blue sky,
In this world my dad tells me I would never leave you my son with that joy in his eyes,
I just hope I don’t wake up from my coma,
I hope that I never see the sun rise.
woOt! unexpected delightful twist. that's what makes it pretty good. and surprisingly hardly any grammatical errors, except 1"each and every rays of the sun". should be ray.
ReplyDeleteThis is a much better poem which has also been written well.Its indeed a fantasy where he makes love & hate freinds & makes the star compete with moon for brightness. A beautiful twist in the end where we come to know the boy is in coma. The boys world in coma is portrayed very well & hence the apparent choice to stay in this world, as indeed the real world is far more atrocious.
ReplyDeleteStill I find the poem is blemished by chioce of words, in some cases,which are still below par.
The line from the poem aborbing each & every ray from the sun leaving it broke is the ODD line out.As in portraying happiness he has also said that this happiness comes from the sadness of the SUN LOSING its rays & is broke.He should watch out for such lines as it protrays sadness even though he meant well.
I would advise him to read a few poems to get a feel of it.
The way one writes a POEM & the way one writes a BOOK is DIFFERENT.
THIS IS AWESOME MAN!! i love it!! classic end!!
ReplyDelete