Round we go night after night,
Two little kids went out of sight,
Her mother found sitting between them,
Unperturbed by her thoughts singing a lullaby for them,
“Sleep little angels with the moon and the stars,
Consume yourself into the darkness,
Shards of glass pierced into your hearts,
Breathe no more my little angels,
Wings of my love will take you far”,
Far away from the people who think you both are prettier than me,
How beautiful the kids are of an ugly bitch is hard to believe,
Let me add some shine to your two pretty little faces,
It’s hard for me to admire your faces the way it is,
Come closer to your mother my pretty little angels,
Let me a draw a picture for you my sweet little angels,
I will try to do this as slow as possible,
Let you have the taste of the pain shining on your faces,
Here my little angels I have brought a present for you,
All the nightmares of your tiny-winy life are about to come true,
I will hammer the nails one by one; I will take my time,
Let me just admire my work and keep on nailing till the box gets over,
After all the entire box at the utility store cost me full one dime.
Merry-Go-Round
Even after fifteen years you can hear the two little kids play,
Their mother was found nailed 45 times to the merry-go-round,
In that same old park you can still hear that sound,
But now the kids sing a lullaby for their mother,
“Two little kids on the merry-go-round,
What fun we had when we nailed that old bitch to the ground”.
umm..uhhh..well.. ok its pretty good..but..umm..hell, i didn't get it even after 3 reads! better clarify it here itself-
ReplyDeletei am assuming she's just singing a lullaby to them. do they patiently hear it all the way? then, after 15 years, they are still 'playing'. now, they killed their mother, right? for them to have brains and guts to do that they should be at least 13. how come they are still playing at 28?
next, they nailed her 45 times on a merry go round? how is that freaking possible? isn't it made of metal? how can you drive screws in them?
but then you change your whole thing and say they are nailed to the ground in the last line. conflicting.
you also mention 'same old park'. so that means she's singing the lullaby in a goddamn 'park'? and do they patiently hear it all the way? hard to digest.
how do first 2 lines make any sense? they are apparently lost and the 3rd line says their mother is singing a lullaby sitting between them.
i can go on and on man.
nice stuff- it really picks up from FAR AWAY... to ONE DIME. loved that part. bu the confusing package leaves me, well, confused. can't enjoy it.
hmmm...1st of all the story starts with hmmm...both the kids r dead!!!killed by their mother!!why???coz ppl think that how is it possible that the kids r so beautiful of such an ugly mother.so she kills them out of jealousy.this lullaby which she is singing for her kids hmmm..the kids r dead thats why she is sitting between them.now nailed her on the ground or to the merry-go-round that doesnt matter i hav just used it to giv the ending hmmm...a more u slap me and i stab u type!!after 2 yrs the kids hav taken the revenge.....how???coz they r dead....spirits....revenge has to be powerful..it should leave an impact...the other person should feel 10 times the pain that u had to suffer.even after so many yrs u can still hear dem hmmm....coz these spirits chose the path of revenge so now they cannot go bak there soul has to wonder forever.thats why u can still hear den singing,playing.if u take revenge that doesnt mean that u r satisfied that u wil remain happi forever.so things should be just left hmmm...incomplete.
ReplyDeleteohk. these things that you explain here are totally NOT obvious. these details mean you take the reader for granted. you gotta be a bit considerate.
ReplyDeletenext, when you talk about spirits being dissatisfied that's all hypothetical and subjective. you can't include such stuff in poems unless you talk about them directly.
hmmm...as i said earlier some things should be left hmmm...incomplete!!!let the readers take their imagination for a ride.create something more haunting and create a different atmosphere in their mind.i have just given u an example of jealousy,revenge,love,hatred.
ReplyDelete