Friday, November 27, 2009

Maple Tree

There was a fountain in my garden,
Carved with markings of birth,
Of death, of red and yellow crayons,
Of those isolated, alone memories,
Me hiding behind the maple tree,
Far, far away from my brothers,
Vision and screams,
Scaring him like I always did,
He jumping, crying, clinging to me,
I ruffling his hair, holding to him,
Wiping his tears, smiling at him,
Carrying him to the branch of,
The never ending maple tree,
Overlooking the snow covered peaks,
Sun burning fire on our faces,
Colliding from every sun colored,
Leaf of the maple tree,
I holding is hand in a reassuring grip,
Walking towards the now frozen,
Black Sand River, adapting the nature,
Of its snow covered surroundings,
Me freeing my grip for a second,
Picking up a black shimmering stone,
Gleaming, reflecting, hiding beneath,
Watching my brother, now a blur,
Walking on the white surface of,
The Now flowing river beneath,
Cracking under the weight of new skin,
His once blurred shadow,
Now slipping away from me,
Officials never found his body again,
His soul now a part of the black sand river,
Lost within the depths,
Of my blurred vision and his silent screams,
I still occupy the branch of the maple tree,
Overlooking the green mountains beneath,
I hold an imaginary hand somewhere,
Reassuring my grip again,
My brother,
You will be always safe with me.


  1. Some tips for improvement:
    “Colliding from every sun colored,
    Leaf of the maple tree”
    You should’ve written it as
    “Colliding from every sun colored leaf,
    Of the maple tree”
    This one was a pretty complex one. Had to read it almost 4-5 times to get a rough idea of what this is about and that’s what took the pleasure away. I liked the concept but I repeat, your poems sometimes lack clarity, like you wanted to put in several thoughts, they got intertwined and thus the flow wasn’t maintained. You need to work on getting your thoughts in order, if I might be audacious. Having said that, I would rate this as 3/5.

  2. That was an emotional piece of poetry.
    I have seen lot of pain,hurt and tints of pessimism painted in words in lots of your poems.

    You often make me wonder, what would your poetry be life if you wrote an optimistic piece?

    May be it's just me and my thoughts.

    But I like your strong power of expression and wonderful selection of words.

    Keep writing buddy :)


  3. @daone:yup it was pretty complicated.i had to cut down the length so i think that made the concept more complicated!!anyways the main thing was that two brothers-first the good memories that they share was shown.scene changes and the death of younger brother is shown!!nice and simple!!but i had involve some situations,reasons for the death,the bond they shared,the bond that most brothers share in their childhood.either my poems will be simple or complicated.i never mix two things.i think i will ad an explanation next time if the poem looks complicated!!thx for reading and replying!!keep reading!!

  4. @chatterbox:ohh as i always say the darker side always influences me.but i think the last three poems were romantic so i needed a change from that type of i changed to a completely different side-remorse,pain!!ohh a poetry on my life would be a mixture of happiness and sadness!!i will try in write something optimistic in the near future!!thx for reading and replying!!keep reading!!

  5. a sentimental piece...sad, yet beautiful

  6. @kay:thx for such kind words and keep reading!!